Lose the battle to WIN the War

How to lose the battle and still WIN the war……

This is something I really need to learn how to do.  I know that I have trouble losing at anything and I will exhaust myself attempting to win every time, rather than focus on the important stuff.  I need to learn to focus on letting go of these little mishaps of the day and focus on the big things that were accomplished. 

I want our son to do well in school, like he has in the past however, it seems that every little quiz or anything he takes he is rushing through and making silly mistakes.  I get upset with him about this which does not really accomplish anything.  If I am upset with him then he goes out of his way to be defiant to get back at me for being upset with him. 

I have tried explaining to him that it is easier to do well on the little things, rather than have to do great on the big things.  I cannot for the life of me understand why this is such a foreign concept to him.  He feels like all that matters is test scores.  That quizzes and homework assignments are simply busy work.  Furthermore it is busy work that he cannot be bothered with. 

I found a sign the other day that really summed up what our conversations are like

This might just be our new family t shirt motto

Well today I had a very strange conversation with our behaviorist for our son.  She comes to our house once a week for home based therapy to help him work with social issues and such.  Well the big thing we are working on right now is respecting boundaries and authority.  Our son can do really well if hubby is around if it is just me then he is not going to listen nor do what is expected of him.  He doesn’t care if I yell at him; he doesn’t care what consequence I give him he isn’t doing it unless he wants to.  Defiance is just the tip of iceberg when explaining his and my relationship.  He has so much anger that he generates towards me that it is scary sometimes.  Since he is our adopted son, we know that something’s he went through we may never know, but he needs to come to grips with some things before they destroy his and my relationship.  So that is what was on the agenda for therapy today.  And well I wonder if this woman has really ever met me.  She had a suggestion for me and the conversation went like this

‘I believe the problem stems from you not being an authoritive personality to demand your sons respect’ said the therapist

Awkward pause

‘Um uh, I am not sure but maybe you have me confused with someone else’ I said as her comment had baffled me

‘No I don’t from what I have seen (hubby) is the one that lays the rules down and enforces them you don’t demand that your son listen to you and follow your rules’ she said with confidence

Well to sum that up it is a load of crap!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean really has this woman never really paid attention to me.  I am so controlling at times I know that I am making the issue more than it has to be.  Yet she is telling me I am not strong enough personality wise to control and demand our son’s respect.  Well this lady may have just had her last therapy session with us.  Because I don’t think she is paying enough attention to us to be of any help.  I guess the one good thing is that our son looked at her and said ‘is that all you got, yeah well that is not the problem’ it was hard not to smile at this.  I end the session with telling her that I know that my personality is plenty authoritive enough and maybe even a little too much at times.  But that I would pay attention in the next week and see if I can see what she is seeing.  I just kept thinking at what we pay this lady an hour to come to the house, she should have had something more than that.  Maybe I have my expectations set to high on this one.  But I think she should make notes for herself if that is what she needs to keep parents straight in her mind.  I know that hubby is the laid back one I am stickler for the rules around here.  Anyone who has met us will tell you that.  Don’t get me wrong when it matters Hubby speaks up and demands it.  But he is more of a win the war not the battle person, and I am a win everything battle and war included.

      Some good did come out of it all though because son and I had a conversation after she left.  He was very honest with sometimes he hears me and just ignores me because he knows that I will just do whatever it was I was wanting him to do and then he gets a break.  He thinks it is crazy ridiculous that we expect him to help around the house, in his words he said that I don’t have a paying job so my job is take care of the home.  Not have him help me take care of it.  I pity the woman he marries if that is the mindset he is going to have.  Oh who am I kidding with that mindset he is going to be forty and living in our basement. lol

Hobby, money, sanity those are needed

Now that I have dedicated myself to being a year round stay at home mom, I need a hobby.  Really would love to have a hobby that could also make some extra cash.  That has been my mission the last couple of weeks, figuring out what I could do for fun and maybe just maybe make some spending money doing it. 

Over the years I have made many craft projects; fleece blankets, kids outfits, candles, baked goods, Christmas ornaments, small lap quilts, pot holders, dish towels, hats, scarves, even a diaper cake.   Now just time to figure out what I want to make, or do I want to do just one thing.  Maybe a collection of things would be better.  Years ago I made soap in home ec in school.  I remember how fascinating it was to watch the soap take form and realize that I had made it I knew exactly what was in it.  I use to buy homemade soap in oatmeal and honey formula that was great for the skin. So that is what has led me on my latest journey.

Soap making…..just Google it and you will be amazed by the number of results that come back.  I was shocked so I started reading and some scare you to death.  The safety measures needed with Lye are scary.  You think if I have to do all that to use it how in the world am I ever going to be comfortable using it to wash anything.  Well over the last several months I have started making my own laundry soap.  This has brought huge savings to the budget along with a sense of accomplishment and joy in making it.  Because of this I think my next venture is going to be homemade soap.

I believe that I might just start with a few small batches to see if it is as easy as I remember then may just maybe I will make and give some out as holiday gifts, then who knows next year I might just have a booth at a craft show with this and other assorted homemade goods.  I have always enjoyed being a crafty person I like making things, and working with my hands.  I need to be able to do something productive and relax it is important to my health and the health of those around me.

One of the things I do like the most about being home each and every day is the ability to make more food at home.  I have been making meals, and buying less convenience food.  Our son is in a phase where he likes to eat Pancakes in the morning I can buy a large bag in the freezer section of my local big box store for just a few bucks. However for just $2 I can buy a mix then make the pancakes and freeze them.  I normally just pick a morning that I have time to make breakfast make us pancakes for breakfast then mix up more batter and start making pancakes, I place on a wire cookie cooling rack to cool then bag 3 to a stack in a Ziploc bag and put them in the freezer.  Just pop those in the microwave and you have fresh pancakes.  I have set a personal goal of eating out no more than 1 day a week by the end of the month.  We often find ourselves running around in the evening and it is just easier to grab something to go rather than cook at home.  This is going to stop for both our health and the health of our wallet.

I think being almost a month into the homeschooling things we are finally starting to find our groove.  Really looking forward to the ride at this point!